Kitty Insomnia

After so long of being a Malaccan fencer, finally, my coach decided to make me a coach.
I wasn't alone tho.

It wasn't what I sign in for but for the sake of loving the sports I played almost all my life, I couldn't say no & decided to give it a try.

It wasn't easy when you have 2 heads as coach & trying to figure out the team, together.
At a point it seems impossible.


I was left alone at Youth Hotel for a 4 days coaching seminar name Bengkel Periodisasi.
Technically, I wasn't alone.
There are hundreds of other coaches from other sports all around Melaka attended the seminar.
It was a good experience to me although I got to admit, I was pretty sceptical at first on how this whole camp going to turn out.
In the end of the week, I learned something new that money can't buy. heh~

Cut the story short at the camp, Ruihan who was supposed to join me, only attended the class for a mere of 2 hours. Sounds disappointing? No at all. Knowing him well enough, he wasn't happy to be at the camp.

There I was all alone representing Fencing, the one and only sports that people find odd but to me it's like breathing fresh air.
Mind you, I was the only young coach there. I seem lost.
Around me was all the ahjusshis & ahjummas. ^^
Nearly the end of the camp, Mr Fish showed up.
After much persuading & pushing him off the cliff.......he surrenders & drag his lazy ass to camp.
Even at the night before, he was giving me a bucket of excuses which I feel that he needs a knock at the head.
It was fair that I ask him to help me out with the timetable since he's the coach as well.

Supposedly, each sports has to do this periodization table and present it to the Majlis Sukan Negara by the end of the camp.
Fish did all the talking while presenting since I'm having sore throat & was coughing like mad dogs on the street.
It went well.
Even when Fish here has a hangover from last night's company dinner party.
Well, he sms me at 5.45am asking me to online.
Geezzzzzzz............I was staying up all night doing the table and here you are.....early dawn.
Fish you! =.=

We discuss briefly & decided to meet up at the hotel for further discussion.
Oh, I packed a few starfruit for him in a sandwich bag.
I read it somewhere that it cures hangover. There you go Fish!
Starfruit for breakfast!


Well, that all happened weeks ago.





Last night....we argued.
It wasn't something new.
We always argue.
He's just being stubborn.
So am I.
He was being difficult.
I'm trying to be easy.
Give & take right....
Since we're in a team, why not try & fix this whole problem together.


I guess liking you has its flaws.
Nothing is perfect, true.
But I'm trying my best here can't you see?
All you ever think of is you.
How can you be so selfish?
It's as if at times......I was there just for your convinient.
I'm not your secretary, I'm your partner.
Decisions are to be made together, not you alone.

Am I that invisible to you?
Can't you see me?

Do this and that.....
I've no complains......
I wasn't alone....
You treat others around you pretty much the same.
Do you take us for granted?


Last night....
You said something you shouldn't have.
There are things you said when you're mad.....
As if I have none of that.
Feelings, anger and sadness.
I'm human too in case you forgot.
Not a cat. Not your cat.

You don't know me well enough.
You don't even want to know.
Try and be in my shoe for a day.
I want to see how you survive.

Thanks for being sarcastic.
I know I'm not as good as you.
But I'm trying to give all I can here.
Appreciate it would ya!
For once.....
After all this time of me knowing you.....

Those words were hurtful, I can't stop crying.
I guess crying is the sign of weakness......

It was easy to say not to bother what you told me.
If.....it was that easy.....

You said you were sorry.
After I ignored your last message on MSN.
I wasn't in the mood to argue.
I wasn't in the mood to swear.


"Then what's the fucking reason you made this decision?"


It hits me when you said that......

I'm sorry I couldn't be like what you are today.
I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to.

I'm just sorry......





I wonder how long more can we stick together.....
1 week? 1 month? Another 1 year?
God knows.....





p/s: your words are sharper than your blades.



=)