Kitty Insomnia

나쁜 사람 by 백지영




아프게도 새겨뒀네요
나를 재우던 따스한 손길
얼마나 더 고단할까요
다 잊은 척 잊고 산다는 게
기억이 참 밉죠
매일 괜찮다는데도 비 오듯 흘러요
그대만 몰랐죠
이미 둘이 되어 살지 못하는 나
여태껏 그리워 그리워서
못 이긴 척 울고 있는 나를 아실까
미칠 듯 보고파요
쉬어가듯 잠시 다녀간 그 사람
아무것 없네요
겨우 뒤적이던 추억 하나도 태우니
시간만 덧 없죠
왜 난 도무지 잊을 수가 없는지
여태껏 그리워 그리워서
못 이긴 척 울고 있는 나를 아실까
미칠 듯 보고파요
쉬어가듯 잠시 다녀간 그 사람
날 떠난 기억들 모두 제발요
한번만 다시 와요
애원하면 들은 척이나 할까요
알지만 어떡해요
나같은 건 쉬웠던 나쁜 그 사람




~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~





As I blankly look at the computer screen today, an image of you appear in my mind.
I couldn't help but smile at myself crazily.
It's funny when you said it.
As if it was a joke meant for me alone.
I tried to laugh but instead I cried.
I guess the joke was on me. . . . . . . .










=)

It's raining now.
Heavily.
Suddenly, I'm craving for some sweet treats.
Ahhh......

It's one of those nights again.
It's one of those nights where I feel nothing but numb, sore, loneliness & practically nothing.


I'm craving for you......

Frustration kills.
Especially when you're the one who's DEAD.

My lappy's keyboard seems to be in a total nutcase.
My 'enter' button......its just out of control.
swt.
I guess Dessy was right. Something is wrong with it. Gonna need to change it soon before I start banging this keyboard away.



Arghhh!!!

Speaking of which today was another nightmare.
Me & bro went to the briefing that was meant for this year's SUKMA sukarelawan.
It was b o r i n g . . . . . .! ! !

I repeat! BORING!

I was hoping that they finally sort us out on our jobs according to our respective sports.
But oh noooo....they decided that it's better to just wait till 1 day before the events starts to actually tell us what the hell are we supposed to do there.
Effing annoying! I was annoyed yes very much!


If only my epee was there.......I would have knock them down one by one. No joke. =.="



Came back and straight head for the floor.
The cool breeze just makes me sleep.
But the hot weather didn't stop there.
I woke up by the time my bro wanted to head to work.
I'd wish to sleep more. swt

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A brief updates on yesterday's event.
Went out with Pinky for sate celup in Kota Laksamana around 9pm.
But we drop by Jonker for a quick lookout.
Darren called me asking where am I at the moment.
I told him online before I went out on where I was going, he told me he might join us if there's been a change of plans with his friends.
So it has. He called and I told him to join us instead for dinner (in my case) I haven't eaten anything yet.
We meet up at Jonker, just a week after our first meet-up.
Mind you, we've been friends for 5 years via online.
Yes, you heard me, ONLINE.
What's wrong with that?
We seem to click very well via online & live.
He's a good friends of mine, I can rest my case on that.
Oh, he's tall. I never thought he'll be that tall.
Yea, as he said, "I don't put my height details in my Friendster profile."

Yes yes......I know that. My mistake.
I should have ask you about your height before I dated you out. lol


Surprise surprise~ he bought me this when he went for his great escape in Taiwan last week.
Hehe. Thanks Lee!!!  ^.^

http://clotinc.com/edc/


Try to keep myself up-to-date with whatever he's doing at the moment.
Love ya Eddie!!!!!!!!!!!!!


p/s: mum thinks he's a jerk. knowing me, i wouldn't give a damn. *laugh out loud*







=)

It aches each time I look at you.
It aches each time my heart beats.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

The smile you had wasn't for me.
I wish to strip that away from you.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

The twisted life I'm having now.
Living only for the sake of you.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

How long can this time pass.
How fast can this life ends.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

From which I have to choose.
For there are two in me.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

The persona of lies within me.
Beyond reach by you.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

Rampage escaping from each breath.
It's hard to breathe now.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

What was the meaning of all this.
What was the hidden agenda.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.

Closing my eyes and shutting away.
Away from all, away from you.
My heart. . . . . .it aches.








p/s: oh, don't look at me like you know me. you don't.




=)

Who would have guess. I was enrolled into a make-up class without my consent!
*wow*
Courtesy of my aunt who thinks I'm in no good to draw a few eyeliners, scribble a few colors on my eyes, brush up mascaras, splash some pink cheekbones and watercolor my own lips for that matter.

Ahh......this is one of those nightmares I had when I was a child where my mum used to make me her dummy & enjoying every bits of dolling me up, well like a doll la. What else. =_="


The outcome is I don't like make-up. Let me rephrase that.
I don't like the tedious step-by-step matter to actually make you look nice.
If you know me better or seen me before you would know what I put on my face.
Practically NOTHING!
Yes, only on special occasions like festivals, gatherings, events, hanging out with dear friends (which I hardly do, believe it or not), I will find the time to scribble my face with care just so that I feel fitted in with whatever I'm wearing at that time.
Then again I have anemic which makes me look pale most of the time, so yes, lip gloss is a must. Not lipstick.



Dolling myself up is like a past time for me. Not a MUST.
When I feel like being pretty, I'll do my make-up & hair.
If none, then you'll see me as it is.
I'm not afraid to show off my red dots of pimples to the world rather than suffocating my skin with mountains of foundations + concealers just so that I can hide behind the so-called mask.

I feel fresh without make-up.
Plus, I'm a lazy bum. Yes, I admit it unlike you people out there. lol
The thought of me putting extra effort and time to pull of the layer of make-up off my face at the end of the day makes me cry.
I'd rather spend it on napping. Seriously.

 But heck. Since my aunt already pay for my fees. I can't say no and 'ponteng' my make-up class right?
*sigh*
Ah Mei, my cousin is here to accompany me to the class since she's in it as well.
Thank God for relatives.

She came to my house at 1pm to pick me up for class today.
And here is my make-up kit/bag/briefcase (whatever you call that) courtesy of my aunt as well.
Thanks aunt Phyrah.

I met this new friend a few days ago.
We click.
That's a good sign.
Something about him that makes me think a long way.
I even got lost at times. Silly me. ^.^




~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Something as vulnerable as you sitting there alone,
Being ignored,
I wonder why,
People didn't notice the sight of you,
It makes me sad,
To me you're a treasure,
In many ways,
Hidden in the sand of time,
Appreciated by me I'm sure.


Life can be meaningless when you're alone,
The word hits me,
Alone. . . . .
Straight to the temple of my heart,
It aches, the unhealing wound,
Is still bare, fresh & untouched,
By a dagger I stab myself with,
Caused by the blindness of my desperation for love.



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~



It's funny when you think of it. ^.^
Today, I was practically worn out but not as bad as yesterday.
We did a friendly team match and my team won, twice!
Thanks to dear Donen, he's an absolute life saver.
I pray hard he'll win gold for our team in the coming SUKMA.

Hip hip hurayyyyyy~



I'm tired and I'm losing blood. Took my pills earlier. I wonder if it really helps. pfft~!


I'm off to photoshoping now. Got a few work to be done. I'll try to update next time.
Tata!









=)

They say its hard for you to forget your old flame.
Is that true?
What a coincidence when I bumped into not one but two of my old flames.
One when I was in high school, the other when I was in university.

It brings back memories but I'm not sure where does the feeling goes.
Missing I guess.
Not as strong as what it used to be.
Maybe I wasn't in the mood.
Since morning......I just don't feel right.
Moody? No idea.

Although meeting them today didn't really seems to give me butterflies like last time, but I'm glad.
It made my day. ^.^

I guess I can't love anyone anymore.
I don't feel it in me anymore.
It's kinda sad thinking of it.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~



As the leaves of autumn fell to the ground,
So does my broken heart,
Shattered on the floor,
No one to help pick up the pieces,
I was just too lazy to mend it again,
Stay that way, can I?
Its a shame when the feeling of love has been forgotten,
Swallowed by time,
I wish to remember the warm feeling of your touch,
The bliss of your smile,
The soft stare when you look into me,
It's been forgotten,
By the ignorant me,
It's hard to move forward,

From your curse of developed sorrow,                                 
Mounting from years after years,
The candle flame that I cared for so long,
One day will be blown away by the wind,
Cold heartless wind,
Is it possible to lit it again?

I wonder......do you guys like to collect friends into your msn list?
I don't but some of the people I know does. lol
Msn is one of the good way to stay connected with family, friends, colleagues, etc etc
But less that I pay attention to how many of them in my list.
Hardly notice the amount of people in my msn because I select 'show online contacts only' so that I won't get confused with the other offline people.
For fun today I decided to take a look/reveal on the amount of people I actually have in my list after so long.
(just couldn't be bothered to check all this while)



I move my contacts into groups for easy reference.

.: [ la~familia ] :. 
- 16 contacts including mum, bro, cousins, aunties & uncles


.:~ Besties/Buddies/Girlfriends/Boyfriends ~:.
- 18 contacts which I'm very close with, know them since as long as I can remember. Some as early as when I was 5. My kindergarten friend lor, Pinky. hehe


.~^* Night Stalker *^~.
- 15 of my loyal vampires/werewolves/zombies/ghouls in CSSPF thread. I love you all for killing all the unwanted spammers in our thread!!! <3


@# SM Town #@
- 11 contacts from SM Town which I met during being an emcee for their 1st anniversary at Korea Plaza.


^*Cassiopeia*^
- 81 contacts ranging from the founder of CSSPF, mods, global mods, GD, detectives, HNR retirees and all proud Cassies around the world. saranghae!!!


| ~ cool fwenss ~ |
- 217 contacts from all over the world. It's a random mixed up of friends from fencing, schools, university and even lecturers. People from Myspace, Friendster, Hi5, Facebook...etc etc are all in here!


IDIOTS + WEIRDOS
- 23 contacts that most of them I block and its obvious why they're in that category.


Other Contacts
- 12 contacts including myself! ^.^





p/s: hmm..... 16 + 18 + 15 + 11 + 81 + 217 + 23 + 12 = _____ (I'm too lazy to do the math) lol



Oh well, now since you know my secret on msn, I guess the only puzzle left is for you to guess which category you might be in. lol

Happy guessing!











=)

I wish I could exchange my life to yours.
I wonder how it feels like to be you.
Would it make any difference?
Can I make a difference?
Sometimes I envy you.
I envy the people that surrounds you.
Does that makes me guilty?
Indulging in your dreams come true, stealing the limelight out of you.
Suck in every energy that's left in your body.
Can I?
Is it possible?
To be you....?
I dreamt of you.
Each night, every night.
Missing you.
Your smile, laughter, cries and memories.
I want to be you.
I am you.
One day. . . . .I'm sure.





=)

I changed my fashion blog URL and title.
For fun.
I get bored easily so yea.

www.fashionistakitty.blogspot.com




Speaking of changes.......I realized that not everyone can change.
When you're stuck like who you are, it's hard to change into something better.
As for me, I can hardly change the sarcasm, cold part of me. Or even the childish side.
But I'm trying to improve my life for the better, not yours ok.
Heck I don't live in this world to pleased everyone I see.
So, if you're on the wrong side of my bed, I'm sorry.
You can go find someone else to butter your ass, shine your shoes or even lick your feet.
I have no intention to make your life easy breezy.


When I'm being straightforward, people can't seems to swallow the truth cos it hurts.
Yea, I know that very well that's why you guys are being such denial.
Sad for you.

 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Mr Darren Lee on the other hand has safely arrived in Taiwan for his long week vacation. Yahoooo~~
He needs it. I'm glad you're there away from the disaster of life, while I'm stuck here mending my broken toe, you can stay there and mend your broken heart. *wink*
But according to your Facebook status, you brought the wrong outfit for the wrong weather.
Poor boy. I feel you. lol

Hope you wont freeze to death there. Take this chance to go shopping and buy yourself a new jacket or something.
People say shopping can be a good therapy for broken hearts. I couldn't agree less. lol



~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Stop by Italian Bakery yesterday to accompany Joyce while Wendy tags along for cake lookout.
I love the smell of fresh pastries and cakes in bakeries.
I don't mind working there since I love baking. ^.^

Oh, I've always wanted to try those egg tarts which smells delish! So, I bough 4 tarts and it tasted not bad after all.

We stop by a pet shop just beside the bakery for fun.
And lookie lookie I saw my booJae!!!
I'll get my hands on you soon enough.



Waiting for tonight as my gf just called to ask me if I'm going for moives. Yes yes yes!!!
Gee will tag along as well. Can't wait to see you both. Miss ya!!!




=)

My lips has been bleeding for as long as I can remember.
Hmm, probably starting from this month?
Ahh! I lost track of blood issues now.

Maybe the whether has contributed to the reason why my lips keep on bleeding.
It hurts sometimes.
On the contrary, my toe is bleeding as well.
Hooray....!!!

I'm losing blood here. swt [+_+]
People should donate some to me.
Or I might just turn into a vampire and start sucking everyone's blood instead.
Wow, that's an option. *evil smirk*



  -.-.-.-.-

On the other hand, Mr I'm-desperate-for-girls manage to spread butter on his gal lately.
Which I find it ridiculously amusing and worthless at the same time. Speaking of density? ROFL.

I wonder how long this will last. Maybe 2 weeks? Give it 3 weeks la out of my sympathy.
More than that would be counting on the stupidity of the gal frankly speaking.
Who would be idiotic enough to have a player as a bf?
Then again the so-called love is blind??

I didn't know it takes you 2 days to actually "love" and trust someone so easily without doing a basic background check on him....?
Seriously man, this is like digging your own grave I suppposed.
You found out the plain hard truth but you ignore the facts, pack up your bags and walk away. Such denial.
No wonder you both made a perfect couple.

You cry, you blame the world. Blah blah blah.....the usual drama. Pathetic.
People should grow up more these days when you deal with "loser" lovers. Hahahahaa!!!

Instead of making the right choice, you let people control you like they own you. You're just like his toys.
Well, the fact is when they get bored, they'll get another brand new toy. Better ones, with better features and everything else in between.
Where would you belong after that? In the trash bin of course!!! ROFL.
Unless he's kind enough to 'give' you away to his friends.
Charity is better than wastage don't you think? LOL


So much as I pity people like this, I am in no way to be lenient.
I never said I was nice to begin with.
Sorry for being myself if that means hell for you.
Plus, its their blardy life they're dealing with right now.
I couldn't care less but to watch as they screw with each other's life while I eat my popcorn with a coke in hand.

"Life is full of drama." I think I agree with that saying.






Lalalaaaa......I'm knitting a scarf today. Wonder when it'll be finish...??

Nite peeps. Got to continue reading my Little Black Dress book before dozzing off in dreamland.





=)

"A cup of stupidity all it takes to make a boy desperate."

It's no surprise when a boy who's actually younger than you with brain half the size of a peanut, together with non-fully grown balls have a package of being an idiot. Dense would be a polite word to describe you. Moreover, you have the full opportunity to prove me wrong by taking a knife and cut yourself. Then again this will show the other quality of you which is being a 'chicken'.

I find it insulting when you confess to a girl saying she's the one you're looking for your whole life, the one true love and the next following sentence seems like 'blah blah blah' to me, but turn behind her back and go date other girl which happens to be her junior. How dense can you prove yourself to be? ROFL
I find it amusing at the same time thinking how pathetic you would feel after being rejected by a girl who you can't even be at the same level as.

Love is a game, if you know you're going to lose or give up, don't even bother starting it anyway. Trust me when I say love is a very expensive word which you can't afford, so don't use it. Because you know you can't take the responsibility for the word LOVE. Oh, and I bet you can't even tell me what is the true meaning of LOVE besides sweet talks which are proven to be as cheap as the public toilet entrance fee. Haha!

You can start knocking your brainless head out at the wall of all I care & blame the world for being totally unfair to you. Grow up kiddo. You don't even know the real meaning of life to begin with. Like a 5 year old kid stuck in a 16 year old body I can describe you as. Even my 5 year old niece can be more matured than your are. Yes yes, blame it all at your cousins, family, friends, cat....what else? Me? Want to blame me? Go ahead. I can hardly give a damn.

At first I felt sorry for you, then pity comes, then annoyed starts to take over me. Nausea comes next then I'll let you figure out the next step.

Not forgetting how predictable you can be. Wait, maybe EASY is the best word to describe you.

There's a whole thesis I can write about you for being lame, self-proclaim innocence which looks can be deceiving etc etc. Don't forget the art of flirting which a matured boy can handle. Can you? I don't think so. Abusing the trust people put in you and claim to be a trustworthy creature. Think again. I doubt you can grow up by the look of things.

You can stay in that 16 year old body of yours. But I'm sure people find it unsuitable.

I want to see how far you can go with that agitated attitude of yours. Send me a sorry card when you're ready to admit how screwed up your life has been & I was right about you all along. Then again, I'm sure bad habits die hard as such you are living your life in denial.

Oh, by the way......if you're desperate for attention, get yourself a dog.

Enough said.





=)

Happy 19th Birthday to my bro!!!

Yes, he's already 19 this year but still most of the time he acts like he's still 5. =.="

Which of course I don't approve to that behavior.

Years have passed by and yet......life couldn't be any less happier.

I decided to make something for my bro as a birthday present although he managed to pissed me off a couple of days ago. swt!