I am lazy. Mum was right.
I can't do anything right without having people telling me what to do.
It's frustrating at times.
To be lazy. Not that I nurture it or something. It's a disease that I can never find a cure for. pfft~
I need help before I'm drown into this pool of laziness.
Emo....short for emotional.
I am today.
I just wanna shut my eyes close and cry.
Not for the sake of crying, but for the sake of you.
I lazily walk upstairs and sat in front of my lappy.
Saw a headline at twitter.
I cried while reading it.
It hits me on why you change your twitter status.
Damn I'm slow.
I should pay more attention to you instead of being lazy. Yea....lazy damn you!
I'm sorry love. My mistake.
I didn't mean to ignore your cry for help.
I should have known how much it hurts you.
I should have notice how much this means to you.
No matter what happen, I'll assure you that I'm always here for you.
Through thick and thin.
I will never leave you.
Not till you leave me.
I'll never let go of your hand.
Not till you let go of mine.
Saranghae~!!! ^^
It feels like I'm falling into a depression.
I can hardly eat well or do anything for that matter.
Everything else in between just feels like a boring slumber. Numb.
What in the hell is the meaning of this?!
What is happiness?
I think I've lost the meaning of it. Seriously.
I can't really remember when was the last time I felt really happy for a period of time.
Usually now, I can still smile, laugh and having heart attack due to excessive cuteness overload from my darling but other than that......it's close to none.
I realized I wasn't how I used to be. The bliss isn't there anymore. Like those days when I'll laugh at the slightest silliness or watching dumb cartoons like Sin Chan.
Now, all I have is a blank stare. Nothing really sparkles.
Put my darling aside. The fact that he can't always be here next to me 24/7 therefore, you don't expect me to laugh all the time.
Good example: when I'm graduating......I notice I wasn't happy as how I should be. It aches to see people around me feel damn excited & happy when I don't. As if I was a robot to begin with.
I keep on thinking why oh why. Maybe God has taken away my feeling of happiness.
I feel like an empty shell. I'm no longer whole. When HE took away the people I love, I lost a few parts of myself. Healing is a proses I can never get over with.
I try to laugh as honest as possible when I'm having fun with my friends for outings but it seems so hard to do. I don't mean to be rude. I am having a great time with you guys but......it's just that I can't feel whole. Dammit, this is hard to explain. This feeling of being lost. It's damn confusing. urgh!!!
What do you see when you look into an empty shell? Do you still see me? I want to see true happiness in myself badly that I can just cry a river.
No matter how hard I try to laugh, deep inside I feel insanely empty. There are times when I just think, "What the hell am I doing here? What the hell am I doing?"
Ignorance is bliss. True? No?
When I was a child, everything seems to be simple and joyful. Very much so.
I miss those days when worries was the last thing on my mind. Growing up seems to be so far away.
Even now when I try to block realities that I'm 24 this year.......things get pretty messed up.
There are days when I just woke up, look outside my window and the weather is fine.......I have the urge to just walk. Walk and keep on walking while wondering through my empty mind. I'll walk on till I finally feel tired and realized I was far far away from home. I'll walk till my legs are sore and senses came knocking in my head. I'll walk and walk till I've reached my limit. I'll walk aimlessly looking at how other people live their life and wonder if I can do the same. I'll walk for meters away trying to figure out my life. I'll keep on walking till I found you at the end of the road. I'll imagine you'll take my hand and walk with me so that I won't be alone.
p/s: i cry and laugh for you. what else is there left to do?
Happy New Year to all!!!
It's 2011.
Let's welcome it with an open arms and hopefully this year will be better than the last.
Throw out your colorful confetti and start celebrating as years pass, new ones appear. Same goes to our life and everything else in between.
I would like to thank God for being blessed all this while with good health, family and friends.
Despite petty troubles and problems faced, I manage to be strong and go through it all.
2010, what a year it was for me.
Now I'm still standing, looking forward to what the world has to give me.
I've already made a virtual list of new year's resolution. Hopefully, I'll be a good girl and follow each and every one of them. HWAITING!!! ^^
2011
1. New year, you come and go but this year, I'm gonna make the best of you.
2. I'll start a healthy lifestyle. No more late night meals, junks, regular vampire mode and laziness. It's high-time I hit the treadmill more often and spend time with my beloved Hero. ^^
3. I'll be able to read, write and speak proper Korean. No more informal, broken vocab. tsk....
4. Repair and upgrade my English grammar + vocabulary. Those sms & chats are killing it. wth.
5. Will fulfill my long lost dream, to play 'guzheng'. I shall do so now. hee~
6. Will love and appreciate those people around me better. <3
7. Will pay all of my dept and save more money to fly & meet my love. =)
8. Finish up my fanfic, novels and scripts. Need to get it publish as well.
9. Start living a life as how I want it to be. Full of bliss......teehee~
p/s: silence is deafening. but not when you are around. i can just close my eyes and drown in your sea of love made for me. only me.
=)
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