Kitty Insomnia

When you say family, what does it actually means?
By blood, relation or mere fantasy?
Well, tonight......I've lost the real meaning of family. I guess....

What are family when you don't even get treated like one?
Or what does family means to you anyway?

Tonight, I miss my dad. A lot.
I cry......my nose is bleeding.....my t-shirt is wet.
I'm alone with no one to care for a shoulder on me.


I've always feel alone actually.
Not that I mind......but there are times when I envy those who have that special someone to talk to, rely on and pretty much about almost everything.
I have a girlfriend but she's all the way in India now doing her veterinary practical. I miss her too.
I have a bestfriend but she's all the way in Melaka dealing with architecture stuff.
I have a cat but she's all the way in Melaka as well.....sleeping.
Oh how I miss all of them very dearly.
There are time when I just wanna fly to meet where ever they are.


Ok, I'm no Super Girl and phones don't do much.
I can SMS them but we'll miss the whole point.
I can call but where's the fun in things.


I kinda feel left out here.
Help me. Someone....???
They say a smile can hide a thousand sorrow.
I'm doing exactly.
Or maybe a little bit more.....
I laugh....I cry.....
I put a mask on my face.
I learn to live, I learn to move on.
I notice life is not that great after all when you have all those suckers around you to deal with.
I feel like running away....far far away.....but where?
Fantasy land is not eligible yet....cos it's just fantasy.

I might book a ticket there but I doubt they accept me......not just yet perhaps.
I have plenty of unfinished business to do.
Like....having to play the piano for example.
Or ice-skate like Kim Yuna.
The rest.....I'll just let it drift apart.
Holding on to dreams makes me weak sometimes.
I'm a helpless dreamer.



I spend most of my time daydreaming.
Because the reality I'm living in now is just too hard to swallow.
I constantly feel hollow.....
Like an empty shell.....


I hope to wake up tomorrow with a genuine smile on my face.
Pretending is not fun anymore.
It hurts actually.....
Till I find the cure to my sadness, I shall keep on pretending.
I'm not a fake, no.
I'm just wearing a mask.







p/s: you might think that i'm silly but i think you're cute. =)