Kitty Insomnia

Am I in denial?
I wouldn't know up till today.
Well, not completely that is.

That's what I told him as I stare at the red light traffic ahead of me that shows 99 seconds more to go till the green light.


I dialed your number hoping you'll pick up my call. You did. My heart broke into a million pieces, not in a bad way....more to nervousness & utter lonesome of stupidity. Right, I wasn't thinking straight when I decided to confess. Or maybe I was high on lime juice? God knows......




Those words didn't came out as strong as it intended. But I did. I feel light as the burden of denial lifted up from my worry chest that's been keeping this secret for a long time. 4 years is a long time, right?








Your responses was expected and the rest was history. I don't have to elaborate more as you laugh away with glee when I confess my heart out. Or did I?

I can sense the big satisfaction in your voice as I said those sacred words......which clearly shows my defeat to you. Dammit!

But hell, it's ok to give in once in a while. The feeling is great. (phrased taken from Tiqa)
Thanks cousin for the advice. =.~






 What Am I in Denial of?




Then I realised........I need you as much as you need me.









p/s: you might think that I don't love you when the fact is I did.



=)

생일 축하 내 친구. . . . .




You gave me memories.
That makes me smile and cry at the same time.
Therefore, it's hard for me to let go of your hand.
It's either I walk forward while holding your hand, or I stay back here alone.


I try to say no, but things weren't as easy as I thought.
If I were to turn back time, would I say yes instead?
Would I walk the same path with you?
Or with someone else?


We have different roads to travel, can you cope with mine?
Can you leave everything behind for me and run with the wind?


It's annoying when I'm the only one who misses you.
It's annoying to wish you well when I'm not.
It's annoying to think of you being next to me.
It's annoying to just have your memories stuck in my head.


I'm annoyed by you.
Yes you.
Who else.














p/s: there's a drug out there for me. it's YOU.






=)

What do you usually get for raya?
Besides the 'duit raya' of course.

Trully and deeply, I feel sick.
Not sick as in annoyed sick.
I'm sick as in doctor sick.

There's plenty of 'rendang, ketupat and lemang' to go around.
I don't think my tummy can handle as much.

I'm about to burst. Literally.

My allergy on the other hand doesn't seem to give me any sign of merciness.
Now that I'm back in Equine Park.....I need some comfort.
By heart or words.
I can hardly swallow any meds anymore.

I'm tired, worn out etc etc.
My body clock goes haywire by now.
I'm stuck in 'vampire mode' for a while.
Even after 'puasa' is long over.....I can hardly sleep at night.
When I say night, I mean at 10pm onwards.
I think I suffer from insomnia.
Like always.

I need my clock to be normal again.
I need my beauty sleep!!! Badly.... =.="

Oh, sick sick sicko.
I think I need to sleep now.
Rest well as tomorrow will be another long day.
Sleep Syirah, sleep.

I got loads of assignments to do tomorrow.

OMG SLEEP!!!




Ok, goodnight.







p/s: I'm lost for words. Can you teach me how to spell again?


=)

I believe that magic exist, one way or another.
In so many ways possible.

I'm in love.
I think love is also a form of magic.
How about you?
Do you believe in magic?

Do you believe solely on what you see?
And ignore what you can't?

Can you see love?
Can you see happiness?
Can you see magic?

Some people can make you see that magic is real.
Some people can make you feel that love is real.
Some people can make you taste that happiness is real.

Oh well, I can see, feel and taste all of that magic.
It's given to me from all those who love me and care for me.

I think it's good enough for a start.

Some magic requires you to see with your eyes, others with your heart.

 


 








p/s: you sang me a lullaby, when the fact is.....it was a goodbye song.



=)

Sometimes, I wish.....you were that simple for me to figure out.
Think again.

Sometimes, I hear your voices.
Talking to me.
Telling me things you said before.
Its all like a replay mode, stuck in my head.
Am I crazy?

Sometimes, I smile thinking of you.
Am I insane?

Here I am......3 in the morning.....
Figuring me out.
It's hard.
When you only have this much in heart and a hell lot to cover.

Partly, I'm missing you.
Another half, wanting to forget you.
Like what Darren told me once,

"One day, you'll come back from KL and tell me you're over him."


A part of me is scared that it'll happen, another part can't wait for it to happen.
Since I tried to get over you.......
I guess tried isn't a good word to describe me.
When you want something badly, you will do your best to get it.
Not just try.
It just won't work that way.

I guess I didn't wanna get over you.
Since trying is the least I'll do.

I suck at that.
Trying stuff.
Pretending that I'll manage.
Silly.


It's sad sometimes to see people put high hopes on you by thinking that you'll cope with almost everything that was left in your face, deal with it successfully and walk away empty handed.
I'm not like that.
Doesn't mean I didn't show you how much I'm struggling, it means I'm alright.

I can plaster the biggest smile on my face for you, but can you see the coat of tears in my eyes?

No, you didn't.
You tell everyone that I'm ok, when the fact is I'm not.



I hate growing up.
It's when you have to deal with things you hate.
Is life full of hatred?

Being a child is bliss.
Can I just stay that way?

I wanted to plug away the sympathy I put on myself and move on.

The sunshine is beyond reach for me.
How come?
Where does the rainbow disappear to after each rain storm?



At times, sometimes...
When I see you, I feel brave enough to smile and forget about the world I'm living in.
But what happen when I don't get to see you?
My life crumbles beneath the sole of empathy patheticness.

Would you be there for me to pick me up so that I'll walk again?
Or would you just leave me there to die?



This time, I'm trying to pick up the pieces.
All by myself.









p/s: oh, where oh my cheerio, oh where have you been? life is incomplete without you. blow me a kiss, send me a letter, let me know you're breathing cos I'm dying without you.




=)