Why is it has to be this hard?
Everything....
Can it be more simpler and less complicated?
Everything seems hard when it's complicated.
Listening to my own voice is an empty room is hard,
Looking at the same ceiling for hours is hard,
Eating alone is hard,
Reminiscing old times is hard...
If only things would be a little bit simpler.
Less complicated...
Then life would be a little bit better.
Making a cup of coffee is complicated.
Reading a book is complicated.
Meeting new people is complicated.
The process of making a cup of coffee is complicated.
The beans need to be roasted to perfection, ground and enjoyed.
Why can't you just put a bean in your cup and pour hot water on it?
It's complicated.
When you read a book, you can't help but to feel the emotions of everything that is written in each page.
Every word means something to you and in a good book, once you've read it....it's hard to let go.
You can't sleep, eat or do any chores till you know the ending.
It's complicated.
When you meet someone new, you think twice or probably more....before showing them your true colours.
You might have a second thought on how to behave, what they might think of you, what will they say and feel.
But most commonly, you're afraid that someday....just that one day you might fall for them.
It's complicated.
p/s: a little less conversation, a little more action.
That one thing that hurts you the most...
It hurts when you miss someone who is already gone.
You keep on missing and hoping that they'll come around for you.
Well, not anymore....
It's over.
Everybody leaves....
One way or the other.
All I wanted is not to get hurt, be hurt or hurt anyone else.
Sometimes it's hard.
To be contented.
It's hard to let people down.
It's hard to ignore your feelings towards somebody you knew.
It's hard to cry in public.
It's hard to eat alone.
It's hard to look them in the eyes and tell them 'I'm fine'.
It's hard to be yourself.
It's hard to pretend.
To be happy when you're not.
To cry out loud.
To bear it all.
It's just hard...
p/s: sometimes I forget how to breathe, smile and wonder.
The ray of sunlight has just find it's way to me,
Perhaps....oh just perhaps,
This time....things will change.
How can this be true?
How can this be right?
Or was it just a dream?
My eyes are wide open,
My soul stays intact,
My mind never flew.
It was you....
Oh yes perhaps you,
Has changed everything.
Dark clouds stays forever,
Deep inside my brain,
Which no rainbow appears.
Looking back inside this thick brick box,
All I could ever find was darkness,
Flooding it's way through thee heart.
Oh can this be cured?
Can this be mend?
Of broken heart & broken bones.
Let this be a start,
Of something old,
Bringing me back to life.
p/s: thank you for not making fun of me when everyone else did. =)
Well, it's been a while.
Been hiding from writing for quite some time now.....
Didn't really have the urge to write anything by far.
Will cut the crap & go straight to the core.
Someone has been complaining that my blog is.....ermm, how should I put it.....ahhh yes, EMO.
HAHAHA
Yes, I know that....it's unlike the 'real' me right?
Then again, what is the real me?
Do you know how to describe me?
In what word can you put me in?
Even if you asked me that question, I'll find it hard to tell.
It's not that I won't know who am I tho there are times when I don't either.
That is another part of me that no one will understand.
Dr Jekyl & Mr Hyde
Catwoman
Werewolves
Vampires
The Hulk
What do all that have in common to me?
Ever wonder...?
Well, they all have their own alter egos.
The ones when they change into a total different person.
With a whole new persona, depending on the situations.
Yes....I'm one of those.
It's more like a gateway you can never get to enter completely.
You are either stuck in between or left on one side or the other with extra 'baggage' to carry for the rest of your life.
I can never get to choose who I want to be.
I was ask a question last night.....
"If you were given a day to be whoever you want, who will it be?"
I couldn't answer that....cos honestly, I wouldn't know.
I only told him I want to be someone else, which I'm not.
For the past 25 years of being me.....I find it tiring.
Therefore, I find other alternative.
The dark side of me can only be shown here I guess....in my own space of blog.
I find it hard to vendor my anger, sadness & everything else in between out in the public.
Yes, I do swear occasionally when it's needed.
I try not to stab people right in the face.
I try not to push you down the road & watch a lorry hit you.
I try my best....not to do all of that.
The darker side of me....are kept here.
When I blog or write, I love the company of my own world filled with my imaginations. Me & only.
I could write how I stab you or how it feels like seeing you dead.
Because in real life you & I know that won't be happening....
- to be continued -
p/s: the same girl who laugh & talks a lot & seems happy is also the girl who may cry herself to sleep....
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