Kitty Insomnia

Tonight, as I happily browsing through the internet, Jac unnie send me a link.
Bad news.
The type of news that I pray hard not to come.
The percentage of you not making it here is 90%
It breaks my heart, shattered into a million pieces as I read the apology statement.

I couldn't hold on to the tears that was about to flow down my cheek.
I gasp & clutch my mouth as I read.

I said to myself as I cry.
The sadness was overwhelming.
The fact that I won't be able to see you just kills me.
For 4 years.....I've been waiting for this moment.....which in the end never came.
Jac unnie told me that it's alright, wait for next year.....
Next year?!
I can't do that!
I'm already half insane now....what makes you think that I'll survive another year without you?!

It seems impossible.
Just thinking of it makes my heart sank to the floor.
The pressure is too much for me to handle right now.


To add the misery, fever's here, so does pounding headache.


I couldn't bare losing you.
Not again.
Even when Nani sunbae told me that we managed to meet up last year but....that was different.
This time...
I want you....badly.
I wanted you to stay longer.
Not like last year.....for only a mere of 2 hours & the next thing I know you're already in a plane flying back home.
It's unfair.....
T_T







You've always been the star that shines brightly for me in the middle of a dark sky where hopes can hardly be found,
That's when I found you.
You made me you star, a Cassiopeia.
I remember the first time I lay my eyes on you....
I know....that you are special.
To me & to everyone else.
The stories you shared, the courage you have, the charisma you own & the rest of the world are at daze each time you smile.

I wish to hold on to that.
Even when I'm old.
Even when she tore off the picture of you right in front of me,
I didn't cry.....
Because I know.....
The love I have for you are not in your pictures....
It's engrave in my heart.
Till the day that I die.




I pray hard to God to let me see you.
I pray for miracles to happen.
I pray for an unchanging love.





Misako said that there's always other ways.
Example, fly off to Bangkok.
At least it'll take me RM 1000 to go there including expenses.
I can't afford that.
Even if I manage to get a loan from sharks, mum will definitely lock me up in the house than having me flying there to see you.


>.<




"Always keep the faith" has always been your fav phrase.
I'll hold on to that.
I wouldn't know for how long......but I'll hold on to it.
For your sake.
And hopefully, by end of the day.....this faith of mine will pay off.





Before you go.....


If you feel it’s a burden that all my senses are focused only on you, I will leave now.
If I made you suffer ’cause I couldn’t control my feelings, I will go now.

I was afraid that like a “hook”, you might fly away from my side.
I couldn’t say “phew…” and rest even for a day.

I didn’t know then that I was hurting you with my foolish obsession.
Just know this before you go, that I am a girl who only wanted to love you.

So stupid was I, an idiot, a scumbag who couldn’t even protect you.
If you stay beside me ’till the end, you’ll be more heartbroken, you might fall.

It’s a good thing that someone who will set you free will come to your side, will come to your side.
I’m not gonna make any more of trivial excuses, don’t look so sad.

With my mouth shut, I only wanted to wish your happiness, I am not that girl for you, no....
With a puff of air in the cold wind, I warmed up your cold hands.

Deep within my arms, after a year, we had our first kiss.
I gave myself to you, I always do.

Thank you for giving me happy memories, you go on and don’t remember, forget everything.
Don’t look at me with worried eyes, I’m fine.

Someday all my heart’s wounds will be cured.
Someday I will meet a nice person.

Forget!

Yeah, forget everything and hurry up and go!
Before I change my mind and hold on to you.

Out of habit, I might call you without knowing.
Hello hello hello hello....

Missing you crazy, even if I’m at your door, be cold, just ignore me.
Just know this before you go, that I am a girl who only wanted to love you......
























p/s: i'll close my eyes tight, in hope for us to meet in our dream. please come for me before i drift far far away.






=)