Kitty Insomnia

I'm trying to hold on to this pain...
All of it in one go.
It hurts.....it's painful.
I'm starting to cave in now...
No longer aware of the world outside of me.
I'm naive.
I'm no longer whole.
The whole is too bitter for me to swallow.
The people.....those attitudes.....it's eating me from inside.

Why must you said things you don't mean?
Why must you make promises you can't keep?
Why must you hold on to me when all you ever did was hurting me?
Why...?!

I'm too vulnerable for all your shits and dramas.
I don't need them.
I need you.
Something that I can't have.

What was sorry in the first place when all it ever means to you was just an excuse to get away from all those mistakes you've done.
Yes, people makes mistakes....
But the things you do was just silly to commit.
I'm disappointed.
By you and everything else in between.
I'm angry.....I'm furious....
But don't ever take so lightly the words I said.
I mean them...even when you think I don't.
I don't play around with my words like you do.
Even when you think it as a joke, to me it wasn't even funny to begin with.
When can you ever take me seriously?
I'm not a toy for you to play around with.
Maybe...
Maybe when some day I'm no longer around....
Then....
Then you might take me seriously.

As for now.....you may fool around.
But I'm not here to play your game.
It's too childish for me.
I'm beyond all of that.





p/s: regrets are man-made mistakes. you may cry over it, but that won't change anything. especially when i'm no longer there....