Kitty Insomnia

It was no longer shocking for me to know what I knew today.
It was more like disgraceful than being sorry for those people involved.

I was hoping to live to the standard I knew we could have achieved.
Sad to say so, we were never there to begin with.


I once give it a thought to leave the one and only sports I love in my life, fencing.
Heart broken.
Looking at the state we’re living in…..it makes me sad at times.
Especially now.
Its plain hard to just leave something you love behind.
Or someone for that matter.
Damn hard.
It’s more like a habit now.
Loving someone or something has becoming a habit for me.
Why?
Because up till now I can’t actually point a finger to ‘why’ I love them.
Do we actually need reasons for those?
Hmm…….


The passion is there.
What else is missing?


Dedication? Or more like dysfunctionality?



Amazingly by count it has already been 11 years since I started.
Don’t think I can ever stop.
It’s like a disease stuck in you.
No matter how tough it gets, or how manipulated people can be….
You’re stuck in it, more like forever.
Yea…..that’s me now. S T U C K


I can think of it as a hobby to kill time.
I can look at it lightly & close an eye.
But would that change anything?
I doubt so.



I wonder how the hell people move on with their life without ever feeling the sign of guilt for what they’ve done.

In my case, I’ll go paranoia of guilt.

It’s something I can’t digest & sleep over it, wake up in the morning to pretend nothing is wrong.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


There are times when I’ll come back home with pain & bruises all over me & complain to my mum about it.
And all she ever said was, “Ok. So, you wanna stop fencing?”


It hits me.


She knew how much this sports means to me.
The fact that I’ll say ‘Yes, I’ll stop,’ would only mean nothing but a lie.




No matter how many times I got hit, slash over, beaten or look down at certain times, I never give up.

I never stash away my blades just because people say I ain’t good enough for their standard.

No matter how rusty my epee gets, I never sent him to the factory for recycle irons & metals.

Even when I’m far away from my hometown, I never forget to come back to my old school on weekends to check on my juniors & train them with whatever little knowledge I have.

No matter how many times I’ll complain to my mum about the pain & blue blacks on my body, by the end of the day……..I know I can NEVER stop fencing.



I told ya……its more like a habit to me now. =D















p/s: I admire the strength you put into what you’re passionate of. It makes me more alive.










=)